Bogart Encounters
by hanjuuluver
Summary: FMAHP xover. Spoilers for the end of FMA. Ed is taking third year classes at Hogwarts, and encounters his first Bogart. What form will it take? What is Ed's greatest fear of all...
1. The Gate

This is the product of an over-active imagination combined with a lazy, not-so-active authoress who has been deprived from FMA for two whole weeks. One day, I started wondering just what _does_ our little Edward fear most? Well, to be honest I came up with several answers, but this chapter addresses his fear of the gate. I might have gotten him a bit ooc at the end, but hopefully not too much. Depending on reviews I get, I might turn this into a series of Bogart encounters, so tell me what you think once you've finished reading. Also, for reference it's the third HP book, so this is happening in the class room w/ everybody's favorite ware-wolf (aka Lupin), and even though he is about 17 in this, he's still in third year cuz I say so. **WARNING! SPOILERS FOR THE END OF FMA! **Ok, that's all for this relatively long A/N, so I'll let you all read the actual fic now.

Disclaimer: I own everything used in this fic. –sees hungry pack of lawyers on the rampage- NO! NO! I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! Please don't sue me!

The Gate of Truth

It was Ed's turn in line. As he stepped up and took his place in front of the now half penguin half Evil-Humanities-Teacher-of-Doom, it instantly started to swim around and twist form and color until standing before him was a giant stone gate with one huge eye engraved in the front. He looked on in horror, completely forgetting about the wand in his hand and the class looking on in confusion from behind him. all he could think of was death, mistakes, the pain of flesh ripping away from his body, his life falling away around him, and a panic that quickly consumed his entire body and mind as he struggled to stay calm, but failed. He fell into a shaking heap on the floor, chanting, "no, no, it's not. It can't be. There is no alchemy here. it can't be the gate. It just can't be." That was the only thought he was able to continue thinking, over and over again, trying to convince himself that it wasn't real. As he lay helpless on the floor, overwhelmed by memories of pain and horror, the stone gate started to slowly open, revealing a slit of light and hundreds, possibly thousands of arms starting to snake out of the opening with the intent of taking the penance they were convinced was due to them. Ed.

Before they could reach his prone form, Lupin jumped out from somewhere and the gate quickly shrank and melted into a golden moon, illuminated by a radiant light and Lupin shouted the incantation no one was really paying attention to at the moment, all eyes on the blond who was trying with all his remaining strength to keep from vomiting. Lupin quickly dismissed the class, allowing Ed to recover himself. Once he had finally managed to stop gasping and slowly stand up, using the wall for support, Lupin asked him only one question.

"Edward, what was that?" the question was asked gravely as Ed looked up at him, eyes sharp and piercing as ever, if not more so, eyes filled wih pain and horror that should be unknown to someone so young, only a child.

"The Gate of Truth." He said venomously, looking away as he walked out of the room. _'It has been widely rumored that the new student was strange and mysterious,' _Lupin thought silently to himself as Ed left, _'He keeps to himself and doesn't really trust anyone. And those eyes. I have never seen that color of eyes in all my years, not even among werewolves. I wonder who he really is, and what did he mean by "the gate of truth" anyway?'_

_--------_

Ed had walked out of the door only to be greeted by Malfoy and a few other Slitherins. He was really not in the mood for this. The only reason he was at this god damned excuse for a school anyway was to find a way back through the gate.

"Afraid of a little gate are you? Well, you might want to watch out, I hear there's lots of them around the s—" The Slytheren boy never did get to finish his sentence as Ed's right arm collided heavily into his jaw.

"Never talk about something like you know what it is. I really don't think you have any idea what you saw back there, do you?" Ed spat, standing over the bleach-blond as a small trail of blood trickled out from his mouth. _'Screw secrecy. I really don't give a damn shit anymore. Maybe now at least they'll get the idea that I want to be left the hell alone.'_ Ed thought, coming to a decision. He had put up with this nuisance long enough. "Well, I'll let you in on a little secret then. It's hell, and I've been there and back more than once. Do you know what it's like to die, Malfoy?" He said, sneering at the shaking boy. Even Malfoy could tell that Ed was not lying, and that was what scared him and everyone else around them most. "It hurts like hell. And do you want to see what happens to someone when they try to trick death?" He asked, throwing off the school uniforms that billowed around from the force he had used, exposing his long black sleeved shirt, gloves, and a pair of black jeans. Ed aggressively ripped off his right sleeve, along with the glove that concealed his hand, revealing a shining mechanical limb. "this is what you get. Hell rips away your flesh from your body, along with what ever else it wants. An arm, a leg, a heart, a BODY! But no one lives forever, though apparently some get do die more than once. I've been attacked by mass murderers, I was a dog of the god damned military for four years, I've been hounded by soulless creatures, and been impaled by one of their arms, then brought back to life again only to sacrifice myself once more for the one who died to save me, and wound up here in this messed up world of yours where I can't perform alchemy and you people break all the laws of nature wit some fancy bunch of sticks you call wands. If you still think you can intimidate me, then go ahead, I'd like to see you try. I've put up with you're arrogant shit this long, and hell does it feel got to finally give you what you've been asking for for so long." Ed shifted his weight to his right leg and delivered a powerful kick right to Malfoy's ribs, knocking the air out of the pathetic whimpering boy and more than likely breaking a few of his oh so precious ribs and glared at him before grabbing his things and forcefully pushing away the awe struck slitherins that had gathered around, although they offered no resistance as he shoved them aside. They were all still like that ten minutes later when Lupin decided to come out of his class to give assistance to Malfoy, figuring that he really did deserve that beating, and finaly understanding more about the mysterious child who had come to the school in his third year. Malfoy was still too scared to make any sound as Lupin picked him up and started trudging towards the hospital wing.

End

A/N: well, there you have it. Depending on what people think of this I might decide to make this into a series of Bogart encounters in which the Bogart changes into Winry, Izumi, Sloth, a furby, a mascot, and a mime, along with any other suggestions you might have. The others will be considerably more light hearted than this one was, well, except for the sloth one, but yah… so let me know what you thought of this! Please? "I'll give shiny things to the first five people who give me their opinions!


	2. Homicidal Children's Toys

Hey there once again to anyone who just so happens to be reading this fic. I was just re-reading "The Killer Furby of Doom" by enVii (it's awesome. You should all go read it. Seriously.) and decided that, hey, everyone is afraid of furbies, why not Ed? So, I decided to get off (or on as the case may be, as I am sitting) my lazy bum and write out another chapter of this fic. Hope everyone enjoys it!

WARNING! THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES EXTREME RANDOMNESS AND IS THE PRODUCT OF SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME AROUND OTHER PEOPLE LIKE ME! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Boggart encounters, chapter 2: Homicidal children's toy

There are very few things in this world or any other that scared Edward Elric, but as he stood in front of the boggart he could only stare in horror as many people in the room screamed at the creature that now stood before them. It was about four or five feet tall (none were foolish enough to try to measure the thing), had tall, triangular ears, was fuzzy, yellow, and had brown splotches all over it's mutant body. The rounded beak did nothing to help the appearance of the beast as it looked at them and said, "I love you!" and started hobbling over to the only people left in the room. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Ed, all of whom were huddled into a small corner as far away from the creature as possible. Well, all except for Draco that is. He was too pompous to admit that an overgrown children's toy scared the living shit out of him.

"you there! Yellow freak! What do you think you can do to me? I'm a Malfoy!"

"Hell of a lot of good that's gunna do ya." Muttered Ed to himself, still pressing himself as far into the wall as he could, the trio stood off to the side, watching as the scene rand before them.

"Me no freak!" shouted the Furby in its usual bad English. No one seemed surprised that the Bogart was talking, most of them too concerned about the fact that it was there to worry about that for long. That and the fact that a rather large gun had suddenly materialized in the general area where the furby's hands would be if it had possessed any. This didn't seem to mater though as the gun staid firmly in place, locked on Malfoy's whimpering face.

"Aw, hell," Ed thought aloud as he ran over and pushed Draco out of the way of the bullet with such force that the boy was flung against the wall opposite them as the bullet glanced off Ed's left leg with the sound of metal on metal.

"That better not have done any damage to my leg! If it did, Winry's gunna kill me!" Ed shouted at the Furby, giving it a death glare, but yet he couldn't help but think about how the Furby's aim resembled that of Hawkeye's as he pointed his wand at the creature as he said the incantation, "_ridiculous!_" The spell didn't really seem to help, as now the furby's plastic face melted into that of one Riza Hawkeye/

"Major Elric! You still haven't submitted the paperwork that has been due since last February!" it shouted as it fired a round at his head, just missing him by inches.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he shouted, shielding his face with his arms, gesturing franticly. The trio watched in confusion as Ed continued to panic and summoned a large pile of paperwork from nowhere and started signing it furiously for a few minutes before suddenly stopping. "Wait! You're not Hawkeye! And I turned in that paperwork, thank you very much! It took me forever and the Bastard General kept on trying to burn it every time I got close to finishing it!" Ed shouted, suddenly remembering that it was just a boggart (as well as eye-twitching remembering all the work he had to do get the paperwork done before mustang torched it just to piss him off). "_Ridiculous_!" he shouted at the furby-Hawkeye, which soon morphed into Roy. Ed then proceeded to beat the crap out of it by alternating between kicking it with his left leg and punching it repeatedly in the face with his right fist, finally knocking it back in to the dark confinement of the chest with a swift roundhouse kick coupled by a right uppercut. Ed slamed the closet door and locked it with the antique copper lock that had been placed off to the side, the sound of the click hovering in the silent air.

"What?" he asked, sincerely wondering why the remaining four people in the room were giving him weird looks.

"What the hell was that about?" Draco asked after a long pause, regaining his usual I'm-better-than-you look.

"ummm… I have homicidal employers back at home?" Ed responded.

"Really? You have a job? Where do you work? And aren't you a little young to have a job?" Hermione asked, trying to find out as much as she could about the short blond.

"WHO SAID I WAS SO SMALL I COULD BE CONFUSED WITH AN INFANTILE CHIBI MONKEY!" Ed ranted, arms flailing around in the air.

"I only asked—" Hermione started, looking affronted. Ed just glared and stormed out of the room muttering something about furbies, cheese graters and barbeque.

"Well that was weird." Harry stated. The other three agreed (though Draco made a point of not letting any of them know that) and left the room, leaving behind them a series of upturned desks, scattered paperwork, and multiple bullet holes embedded into the walls around them.

END

A/N: told you it was weird… well, do review and tell me that I'm a phsycopath. I'll be here singing I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts to myself… Down at the English fair, one evning I was there, when I heard a showman shouting under neath the flair singing, I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are, standing in a row, BIG ONES, small ones, **SOME AS BIG AS YOU'RE HEAD!**


	3. Sloth

So… This _was_ going to be another random and silly chapter, but I just _had_ to listen to angsty music before and while I wrote it. Hence, it is not a cracktastic chapter. Oh well. The next one will be, though, so rest assured.

Disclaimer: Hp is not mine, FMA is not mine, sanity is not mine, and I still can't find my left sock. Shoot.

Chapter 3: Sloth

Ed found himself in the DADA classroom, once again facing a rattling closet. He'd been taking classes with Remus Lupin separately, so that the others would not be frightened again.

"Are you ready, Ed?" Lupin asked.

"What the hell do you think? If I was ever completely ready I wouldn't be here with you again."

"Good point," Lupin admitted. "I'll give you to the count of three and then I'll let it out. I have to admit though, Edward, your courage is admirable, although I am surprised that there are so many different things you fear so much that it would be reflected in a boggart."

Ed didn't say anything. _Because I push back my one _true_ fear…_ and before he could pull himself back to reality he heard Lupin say "Three."

And there it was again. The sight that haunted his mind, waking and asleep.

"No…" he whispered before sinking down to his knees. "No, it can't be her… it. No. Not again…" he said, eyes transfixed on the face of one who shared the face of his mother, but would never be her.

Sloth. His sin.

"Edward? Is that you? My son…"

"No, no, it's not you! You're not my mom!"

"Silly boy, if I were not your mother, who else would I be? Are you okay? Do you have a fever? And where is Alphonse? You two didn't fight again, did you?"

"Stop it! You're not her! She's dead! And so are you! You're nothing more than an animated corpse. You will never be my mother! Never!" Ed exclaimed, once again getting to his feet, and once again completely forgetting that the creature before him was a boggart.

"Why are you saying that? I'm right here, Edward!"

"No you're not!" Ed exclaimed one last time, transmuting his arm into a blade and cutting straight down the body of his mothers look-alike. But rather than the water his mind told him would appear and then reform again, the body crumbled and changed into a limply hanging, four-armed, gray creature with three eyes that dilated into small dots. The body sat there for a few moments, and then disintegrated into dust which blew away out the open window and into the rain that was pouring outside the stone castle.

Ed breathed heavily, simply standing with his eyes closed as he tried to compose himself once again.

"What was that, Ed? Who was she?"

"Not my mother, that's for certain. She was no more than a soulless shadow of what my mother used to be, and I never want to think of _her_ again. Now if you will excuse me, I think I've had enough practice for today."

Ed transmuted his arm back to its original form and walked out of the room, leaving behind a troubled professor, whose only coherent thought at the moment was, "So that's the true form of a boggart…"


	4. Kate

This was going to be 4, but I was listening to angst music while I wrote that one, so it didn't work. And for anyone who is curious, Kate is my muse. And yes, all of the things she says and does in here are things she usually says and does, and yes, she does have a bar. Along with many other things, but I won't go into that.

Warning: slight reference to yaoi (saying Ed has/had a boyfriend, nothing else.)

Chapter 4: Kate

Ed prepared himself for the next boggart, just recently acquired by the professor.

"Ready, Ed?" he asked.

"How many times do you have to ask the same question?" Ed asked with annoyance.

"As many times as the author makes me," Lupin replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I don't believe in authors."

"…"

"Leave me alone…"

"No, Ed. You have a right to that opinion! Besides, this story is really not in the author's control. Nor are any of her other stories. Those are all my doing!" A figure suddenly stood in front of them.

"KATE! I should have known you were behind this!" Edward exclaimed to the figure before them.

"Of course it's me! Who else? After I ditched the author for a week or so I got so many new ideas! Not to mention all those yummy plot bunnies I picked out of her brain. The drunk guys at the bar can be such a hassle… Can't they just leave those rabbits in the file cabinets I put them in? Of course not! Hmph. But Ed, that reminds me. You still owe me money," the apparition known as Kate said, an evil gleam flashing in her darkly blue eyes.

"For what?"

"Last week at my bar. You and that boyfriend of yours stopped by and had nine drinks each, not including the one I gave each of you for free. That adds up to $65.43," she recited, holding her hand out for the money.

"Ed, is that true?" Lupin reproached.

"…yes… AND I MEANT TO PAY YOU, BUT—" Kate cut him off by chucking a book at his forehead. And hit him straight on.

"Shut up. You talk too much. I don't want to hear the details of your personal life. I have other things I need to do. Just give me the money. I don't want to have to use my collectors on you."

On cue one of her furby-ninja-mountie-assassins appeared at her side, cheese grater in non-existent paw.

"EEP!" Ed squeaked. Kate laughed.

"Ha! You're an oven!"

"What?" Ed asked, momentarily forgetting his fear and replacing it with confusion.

"Inside joke. NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN MONEY!"

"YES MA'AM!" Ed said, going into a salute purely out of fear and quickly starting to scramble for his wallet. Lupin looked on in awe. He had never seen someone that afraid of something… And that was saying something, considering his background and current profession. He was also vaguely surprised that the boggart had never turned into this being before. She stood before them, dark purple hair blowing ominously behind her, making her look like some sort of demon out of hell. She was wearing a black tube top and mini-skort under a heavy black trench coat which also fluttered around her ankles. Around her thigh she had a small container tied on that appeared to hold a small array of weapons. The fact that she had twin samurai swords behind her did not miss his attention either. After losing count at five piercings, he gave up and tried not to look too closely at her tattoos, drawn on certain choice places of her body. He would have blushed if he were not afraid to give her a reason to turn her wrath on him. No one could blame Ed for fearing _her_.

"Here you go, Kate! Please don't let that thing get me!" he exclaimed, backing away from the furby assassin.

"Pleasure doing business with you! Have a nice day!" She said, smiling, and stomped her left knee-high boot onto the floor, disappearing with a small explosion that left scorch marks on the floor.

"Okay, no practice today! I think that was hellish enough. Let's go!" Lupin declared and practically ran out of the room.

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Ed exclaimed before dashing out after him.

Fin

Ok, so that was a product of Kate, who really is that homicidal. Her idea. And if you wish to know the other establishments she owns (I can think of at least eight of at the moment) just ask and I shall tell you. She's working on establishing an entire city.

Kate: NOW REVIEW! or else!


	5. NOTICE

I AM POSTING THIS NOTICE TO ALL MY STORIES BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT AND NO ONE SEEMS TO BE LOOKING AT MY PROFILE!!!

I have for some time been thinking about creating a new account, because I feel that I've outgrown "hanjuuluver" for a number of reasons--primarily that my writing style has changed so much it simply doesn't mesh with what I started with, but I don't really want to /erase/ my earlier fics either.

I would have moved to Live Journal, but I'm electronicaly challenged (a sad fate for a 20 year old college student at a tech school--It's most embarrassing) and can't figure out how to work it. As such, I am staying here on , but will be moving to a new account, **Rio Azules** is my new penname. As motivation to go over there, not only will I be posting my new fics there, but in a month or two that will be the only place to read the fanfics that I like from hanjuuluver such as Homecoming, Together in Solitude, For Now and Forever, and many more.

I really hope you all follow me over to my new account, **Rio Azules**, and that you continue to put up with my lameness. Chances are I will never write another chapter fic and will just be contented with occasionally posting one-shots, drabbles, and perhaps the occasional three-shot.

For those of you reading Waiting For You, I'll finish writing that here on hanjuuluver and it may or may not be transferred to Rio Azules later. We'll see.

Thank you all for reading my work as hanjuuluver.


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